The Passion of Tez

I will never be like anyone else. I am more than even I understand. I am not better, great, or any of those things. I am just me. I am raw, stripped down, and all in. Take it or leave it... that's me. And I don't think anyone can handle that... or love me truly or completely. Ever.

Merry Christmas!

What You See Is What You Get

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing
And I'm comfortable

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh

And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

I am excited about my 21 hour road trip back from San Diego! It will be a BLAST! San Diego to Flagstaff to Albuquerque to Shamrock to OKC! I will be making CDs on Sunday so that I have some good JAMS for the very long trip. I hope the weather isn't too bad and we make it back safely! I hate driving on icy roads! But luckily we won't be doing too much driving at night.

I was listening to the above song and I started laughing. It sounds like all of my past relationships that went well. I guess it was only that way with the people I actually cared about. I feel bad because now I don't feel as passionate when it comes to relationships. I think I will eventually, I just have to get back to that place mentally. I am no longer bitter so that is definitely good. I am just kind of here right now.

I am excited about Christmas and everything coming up soon!

The Bee's Knees

Excited about my flight to San Diego on Monday!!!

Leading the One Man Revolution

(Missy Higgins live in KC -- The greatest Night of my life... nobody even knows)

I've been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos,
And drank til I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo
And Benny Goodman's corset and pen

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I'd never give up

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

You get down, real low down
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well who hasn't been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you french toast again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I'm not the kind of girl you'd take home

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

We've been far, far away from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos
And everywhere in between
Well, o.k. we get along
So what if right now everything's wrong?

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

Too often we are afraid of doing things that may rock the boat, or cause a ripple effect. Simply, we need to do what makes us happy. As long as you aren't hurting yourself or someone else -- then it is what it is. Sometimes we have to stop being afraid. We all make bad choices, some of us stick around in those bad decisions because are afraid of finding what is really out there. Maybe we are afraid of taking a chance, a risk, and failing or being let down.

I can't live like that anymore. I was so afraid of taking a risk at one point in my life, so I let go and moved on. I made probably the two worst decisions of my life consequently. However, I am now where I am today -- thinking how I think, feeling how I feel, doing what I do. I don't have skeletons in my closet. It is what it is. I dated someone that was too young for me and I learned my lesson. But it is what it is.

Now I am listening to everyone, my friends, my family -- and they think I am lost because I have been alone for almost a year now. They think I don't have shit figured out or that I know what my plan is. But I still have a plan. I still know exactly where I am in life and what I am going to be doing with my life. That is not the problem. So instead of trying to appease everyone's insecurities, I am going to keep doing what I am doing... being a real rock'n'rolla. I am half-way to making it all happen.

"SO WHAT IF RIGHT NOW EVERYTHING IS WRONG?
IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!!
IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD..."

I am not longer afraid of feeling how I feel.

Everyone should listen to the Sheryl Crow song... and they should enjoy every single time that she begins singing the chorus and how passionate she really sounds. And the lyrics are so true -- if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad.

Now for me, I am going to go work out like I used to do. I am going to sweat, burn, and love it. I am going to have little league practice, and then I am going to come home listen to music LOUDLY in my headphones, and then go to sleep... alone.

I grew up looking for my Annabel Lee... f--- that. She can come find me.