Obtainable Goals

I have a list of obtainable goals

for the first half of 2010. 

I think that they are goals that will get me to a place in my life that I will be very, very happy.

Goal 1:     Upgrade Motorcycle to H-D 1200 Nightster

Goal 2:     Sell my Tahoe

Goal 3:     Ride to Stillwater on old Route 66 for some cheese fries at Joe's.

Goal 4:     Get paid $**,***/ year or find a job that will pay me $**,*** per year.

Goal 5:     Get my own place to live.

Goal 6:     Get 3 more tattoos.

Goal 7:     Convince myself that I am worth forever.

Goal 9:     Go to at least two great shows.

Goal 10:   Never settle, always be honest, and to "walk by faith, not by sight."

A League of Her Own

So even though I am pretty much a broken down individual with a lot of self-fulling goals but not dreams that really include another person...

I feel like I need to evaluate that. Right now I only have two things I want to do in this life... snowboard and spend two weeks to a month in London. That's it really.

In order to make those two things happen, I have to make more money, spend my current money more efficiently, and just be smart about everything I do. The funny thing is...

I might want to change up my life goals. Obviously I will not delete those two things or erase them from my list... and London will always be my number one goal. However, an old friend told me I was faulty. And I am. I am too self-absorbed for my own good. Now there is a fine line there. For example, there is a difference between being self-absorbed and expecting fair compensation for all that one does at work. But that is a different situation entirely. But at least my boss was honest enough to tell me she was going to work me to death for at least two years before I would quit... as she jokingly walked away.

Honestly though, I want to stop living for myself. I don't want to be the burden or the puzzle missing a piece. I want to be the missing piece of the puzzle -- I want to complete someone. I want someone to LIGHT UP when they see me and not fight with me and not make me hate myself every time I see them.  I want to grow up a little bit. I know I can. But I just haven't had that person in my life that made me want to be better at anything. I've just been able to coast along and be mediocre me but still make people think I am better than I am. My intellectual mind sometimes burdens me and holds me back. Realizing that perception was reality my Freshman year in college made me really be able to take advantage of reality and situations in it. I don't want to do that. I want to meet someone that really pushes me to that next level. I've been stagnant since Ashley left me. I've just been a lazy ass. Not anymore...

"You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis. Sometimes you get 'em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That's the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she's your first great one." 

23 January 2010 -- Reborn

Irony... yeah, it's ironic.

Everything changes so fast these days. I have never been one that didn't like change. I always have seen change as an opportunity. I mean, that's even in the bad situations like when I got laid off from AOL and such. I never saw that as a bad thing because I always felt like when things like that happened -- I would only better myself. Now that currently isn't the case with me, but with all the changes I still feel like this is an opportunity for me to better myself. The only difference is that this time I am staying! It's completely new situation for me, but I like it.

Now the one thing I don't like, (which just shows how selfish the human race has become) is when you are tested or put in a situation that tests your gusto -- people shutdown and just let others down. They put themselves in a box and say, "screw everyone else."

I don't understand why people have become this way. In my head, when things like that happen -- I see what I can do to help others and also take on as much as I possibly can without failing. I guess I'll never see the world in another person's eyes.

Good movies are coming out soon... I am excited about that. I hope to find a part-time job since wrestling is over. Hopefully until I make enough money at one job that I don't have to work two jobs to make rent.

Yeah, I'm grown.

It is almost my 26th birthday... and there is much that I have learned thus far in my life. For example, I only know what I want because I don't have it and I am only intelligent because of what I do not know.

Life is funny to me sometimes. People talk to you about loyalty and about trust...respect. At work I continue to grow my position and am continually asked to do more. This makes me smile because I love responsibility and I love to prove myself through my work. However, I am only paid $1.50 more than a damn tech at our clinic that has only worked there one year (like myself) and is lazy. You know there are rumors that have been going around that people have walked in on them and such... and I didn't believe them -- but now maybe I do. I mean, I have a four-year degree in Business Management with minors in International Business and also Marketing. Now... when I graduated I was proud of this. I was like damn, I just graduated college. Now that I've been out of school for 4 years -- I now realize that it doesn't make two shits. What does a business degree even mean anymore? The morons that had them before me drove our country into a recession. And now we are like the lepers of American society. Thanks a lot for that Wall Street.

I smile though because everyone keeps telling me that in "ten" years everything will be exactly how I want it because I am "SUCH a hard worker." But you know what I have learned... [some dogs are too loyal... but we never had a choice].