A League of Her Own

So even though I am pretty much a broken down individual with a lot of self-fulling goals but not dreams that really include another person...

I feel like I need to evaluate that. Right now I only have two things I want to do in this life... snowboard and spend two weeks to a month in London. That's it really.

In order to make those two things happen, I have to make more money, spend my current money more efficiently, and just be smart about everything I do. The funny thing is...

I might want to change up my life goals. Obviously I will not delete those two things or erase them from my list... and London will always be my number one goal. However, an old friend told me I was faulty. And I am. I am too self-absorbed for my own good. Now there is a fine line there. For example, there is a difference between being self-absorbed and expecting fair compensation for all that one does at work. But that is a different situation entirely. But at least my boss was honest enough to tell me she was going to work me to death for at least two years before I would quit... as she jokingly walked away.

Honestly though, I want to stop living for myself. I don't want to be the burden or the puzzle missing a piece. I want to be the missing piece of the puzzle -- I want to complete someone. I want someone to LIGHT UP when they see me and not fight with me and not make me hate myself every time I see them.  I want to grow up a little bit. I know I can. But I just haven't had that person in my life that made me want to be better at anything. I've just been able to coast along and be mediocre me but still make people think I am better than I am. My intellectual mind sometimes burdens me and holds me back. Realizing that perception was reality my Freshman year in college made me really be able to take advantage of reality and situations in it. I don't want to do that. I want to meet someone that really pushes me to that next level. I've been stagnant since Ashley left me. I've just been a lazy ass. Not anymore...

"You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis. Sometimes you get 'em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That's the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she's your first great one." 

23 January 2010 -- Reborn