It's been a while.

"Love is watching someone die..."

Yesterday was a brilliant day. I sometimes feel like I am a machine, ya know? Like maybe God is molding me as I go and he is shaping me each and every day with every situation to create something... special? big? unique? I don't know. Maybe I might be a failure, there a ton of failures in the world. How is one individual to know whether he will or will not be a failure until all is said and done? Nobody can. You do your best and hope you come out of the downfalls of life with your head held high and your pride still intact. I finally feel like I have been lifted out of that rut I was in. And I will give credit where credit is due. I did nothing but put my Faith in God. I honestly did that. I prayed more, I grew closer to Him, and I stopped doubting Him. I stopped feeling like I was doomed or that I had no control over anything. 

We all have control over our lives... by either having Faith and enjoying life or by trying to control every aspect of our lives and losing ourselves in our own garbage. I've learned to do better than that... I prayed last week. 

A lot has been going well for me lately and I prayed that if it is the right time that eventually I will find love. Not just the usual. I am in a place now where I want to devote myself to someone. I remember what it was like back in college when I did that. Every weekend was planned, weeknights were relaxed, and I would dress up on Fridays to go out to dinner. I hated dressing up, but I did it because I was in love and it wasn't just about me anymore. I want to find that again. It may not be this year or next, but I pray that when the time is right, God will bless me with that kind of love again; the lasting kind. I am ready to share my life with one person forever. I am not bitter anymore, I am not sad anymore, I am not lost anymore. 

And now I will continue to work and enjoy some amazing music... would you expect anything less?